Inspiration

I haven't written in awhile...obviously. After that last post, well, let's just say that I was Miss Downer Debbie for a little while. But since I wrote that last post, my little boy has learned to ride his bike and LOVES it! I have NEVER seen such determination in that kid to master something. I was so proud, and cried many proud mama tears throughout one weekend.

But in watching how much determination he had, plus seeing how often he fell and got right back up...was in a word inspiring. At one point middle of the week after he learned how to ride I counted how many bruises I saw on his legs. 14. Yeah 14! Yet, he never gave up. And he never was afraid to get back on the bike.

It got me thinking. I haven't had anyone inspire me in a really long time. I know that ultimately you have to inspire yourself, but I feel like it's like starting a campfire. A campfire will feed upon itself, but initially you have to provide the spark. And then you need to feed it every so often so it doesn't burn itself out. That is what I have been for 2 years. A burned out campfire. I needed a spark and some fuel.

Nate was my spark. He has shown me exactly what I have within myself to accomplish a goal. He shows it to me, because he came from me. We have very similar personalities. I watched him dig in and master that damn bike, and if he can do that...well I can lose some weight and regain my inner athlete back. Now I just have to provide the fuel to fire so that I don't burn out again.

As of October 1, I am back in action. I am exercising consistently, and eating healthy foods. I haven't binged in a couple of weeks, and I have to say that my insides are thanking me for that! I have a lot of weight to lose again...sigh...hate saying that...but it's the truth. I want to lose 75 pounds, and then reevaluate at that point. I lost 3.5 pounds my first week. I am pretty proud of that...wish that it was more...but know that to be healthy and long term that was a really good first week.

Today is tough and so was yesterday...I am hungry. I don't want to fall off the wagon so soon, but am going to have to find some snacks to eat in between meals that are healthy and filling. My long term goal is 75 pounds, but short term is 10 at a time. I don't want to get hung up in the I have so much to lose that I'll never get there. If I do that, I will end up quitting and I really don't want to quit this time. I want to keep moving forward, and not look in the past at the mistakes I have made or how many times I have done this...it's over...I have only today and tomorrow. To steal a phrase from a friend.... one bite, one breath. I am doing this one bite at a time, and trying my damnedest to learn why I binge and how to redirect that energy into something less self destructive. I'll get there... one bite, one breath.