Trusting yourself is not as easy as it sounds

I'm trying to teach Nate to tie his own shoes. He is eight, therefore we are a little behind the ball in doing this. However, if it is one thing that I know about my son, it is that if he isn't ready to learn something he just won't learn it.

*A little background* When Nate was about six months old, I was talking on the phone to a friend of mine about our kids that are one day apart. I said to her, "Isn't it fun to watch them play...their hands mirror each other. How cool is that?" Or something to that effect. She had no idea what I was talking about. That was my first indication that Nate was a little different. At that magic six month age, he stopped following the books as far as development went. He didn't crawl. He didn't start babbling. He didn't eat the next stage of food when he was "supposed to".

He ended up in speech therapy, physical therapy, and occupational therapy from the time he was about 9 months old until he was about 3. He never said a word in all of that time. He never did crawl, but at 14 months he stood up and walked across the living room without falling. When he did speak (after begging and pleading for years), he didn't just say a word...he said a full sentence.

What does all of this mean?

Nate won't do a damn thing until he is ready to do it. It was that way when he was six months old and it is that way now that he is 8. He has overcome all of the "issues" that put him in therapy to begin with except for the mirroring of his hands. When one hand is doing something...the other is doing the exact same thing in mirror form. This makes it very difficult to learn how to zip up a sweatshirt, button a button among other things. It also makes it nearly impossible to learn how to tie shoes. His hands don't seem to have independent motion. Therefore when attempting to do something that requires both hands to be doing something different...yeah...not so fun.

Fast forward to this afternoon: I was talking to him about tying his shoes, and asking him if he trusted me to be able to teach him how to do it without me getting upset and yelling. He said yes. But then he said something kind of interesting...

He said, "But I don't trust myself to be able to do it right!"

Hmmm...now that is a profound statement. I am guilty of the exact same thinking. When I don't trust myself to be able to do something...more often than not...I just don't try it. I have to believe that I can do something before I will try it. Sad. Like Nate, there are times when I am short on that belief.

I am learning a lot from Nate these days, and in doing so, it is giving me the patience that I need to help him reach his goals. He needs a lot of reassurance that he is capable. Me too. Most of the time I believe that I am going to lose all the weight that I need but sometimes it becomes really overwhelming and I think that I just won't be able to lose it all. I will fail somewhere around the 50 pound mark. I almost always do.

The difference is....this time when I feel overwhelmed....I say I can lose these first 10 pounds. That is all I have to lose right now...10 pounds. I can do that. I believe that. I may not believe that I can lose 75 pounds right now, but I sure can lose 10. One small goal at a time will get me to believing in the big picture. When I don't have it in me to look at the big picture, I just look one little step ahead. That's easy....like tying that shoe. The whole big picture is overwhelming to Nate, but today we worked on crossing the laces. That's it. That's enough to get him to believe in that right now.
And belief is all it takes.