A little neurotic

This post is going to show my neurosis very well, I think. Here ya go....

I weigh myself once a week. I am diligent about that because the scale can make me crazy. When I step on the scale, I look down and mentally record the number that I see. It is a digital scale. I know people that get on the scale two or three times to see if it changes numbers and then pick the lowest. I don't do that. I get on once, and record that particular number. So far I sound normal, right? Oh just you wait...lol.

I have been very diligent with my food and exercise and the scale has gone down accordingly. I am averaging 2.5 lbs/week. That is a lot of weight to lose every week, and I assume that I will see the weight loss slow down at some point. My view on the rapid weight loss is that I eat when I am hungry, and I am eating foods that I can eat the rest of my life. I don't feel deprived, and I don't go to bed hungry. With all of that, I am not worried that I am losing weight too quickly and that it will just come right back when I stop my "diet". Here's the thing...I am not on a diet. I truly am eating the way that I can sustain forever! I wouldn't be doing this again if I didn't think that I will be successful. And I will be successful this time at maintaining my goal. I have already told you that I am working on the why of my eating as well. I am NEVER going down this road again where I am faced with losing 75 or 100 pounds. I am just not going to do it. Therefore, I WILL be successful. That is the only option.

Okay...so here is the neurotic part. During the week when I am not stepping on the scale, I get little pangs of panic that my scale must be broken. That there is NO way that I have really lost 38 pounds. That someday I am going to get on the scale, and it will show closer to my starting weight. That maybe I have only lost 20 pounds or 15 pounds...or maybe none at all. I told you...neurotic!

I know that my scale isn't broken. I know that I have lost a lot weight. My clothes are changing, I feel better, I have more energy, I have a waist :) I think that this is just my head needing to catch up to my body. My body is changing fast, and my head can't wrap itself around that very easily. I know what I see when I look in the mirror, but I have no idea if it matches what others see when they look at me. I am afraid that the two don't match. But...my head will eventually catch up. I am working too hard on the emotional stuff for it not to.

This journey isn't easy, but it sure is worth it!