Dreaming

I go back to the doctor this morning. She is going to perform another lung function test, and check the mono status, and talk about my blood pressure. I am nervous (which really does nothing positive for the blood pressure). The meds that she put me on three weeks ago haven't made my blood pressure come down at all at least based upon my bp machine. I am guessing that I will have to go on something stronger for awhile.

I have two voices in my head about this, and it is hard to listen to the logical one sometimes. The "bad" voice says screw it! Eat what you want! You can't beat this high blood pressure thing anyway without medication so you might as well enjoy what you eat! Not a good way to look at things, I know.

The other voice is the more rational voice. This is going to take awhile and require a lot of hard work, but eating right and getting back into consistent exercise will bring your blood pressure down naturally. You NEED to lose a lot of weight! At least 60 pounds, but you have done it before and you can do it again! That is the voice that needs to drive me here.

It is really hard to think about the hard work involved when I am still sick with mono, and fighting for a "regular" energy level everyday. I am easily frustrated by the whole process which then makes it easier to listen the "bad" voice.

I used to be described as determined, focused, strong. I can't describe myself that way anymore, and I know a lot of the negativity comes from being sick. I want to wake up one morning feeling absolutely normal! Ready to tackle the world and eat right and kick my own ass at the gym!!!! Sigh...a girl can dream right?