Trying to heal

I'm a stress eater. That is not breaking news. I have been that way for as long as I can remember. The trigger is a very familiar feeling. Something happened today to create that feeling. It was a phone call that turned ugly. I don't believe that this person meant to hurt my feelings, but it happened.

I hate confrontation. However, I am getting a little better at letting people know that my feelings were hurt. In this particular case though, I cannot tell the person. Nor would I want to if I could. So the icky feelings are in my tummy...running through my body. In the past, I would not even acknowledge these feelings. I would just go to the pantry and look for food to devour. Mostly salty food, but sometimes chocolate does the trick. I would eat until the hurt feelings were replaced with that overstuffed feeling of overeating. Then there would be remorse for my actions, but still I would not feel the hurt.

Today however, I am trying to just feel the feelings. I want to accept them, give them some attention and TLC, and then hope they dissipate on their own. I don't want to cover them up with food. For a multitude of reasons I want to own these feelings, but mainly because stuffing my face with mindless calories is DEFINITELY counterproductive to achieving my 30 pound weight loss by Christmas. And stuffing my face does not make the hurt go away, it just hides it and starts a vicious cycle of binging, remorse, revulsion, binging again...etc etc.

I have said again and again that this time around I want to "fix" my unhealthy relationship with food. I don't want food to be my crutch. I want to own up to how I feel, and address the issue if that is possible. In this case it isn't so instead I am going to get on the treadmill, and hopefully replace the icky feelings with some "feel good" endorphins. And then release the hurt. No one can make you feel bad without your permission...that is a quote I heard somewhere. It seems very appropriate today.