If you can believe it, you can achieve it

*Warning* If you are reading to be inspired, maybe you should come back another day.

I am having a moment. Actually, this whole week has been a moment. And. I'm. Sick. Of. It.

Food has not been my friend this week. I have been very hungry. Well, that might not be true. The emotional Kelly is hungry, but for I what I do not know. Therefore, food and I have been adversaries this week. I went out to eat more times this week than I have in the last 10 weeks. I ate consistently more calories than I am used to consuming. My exercise calories burned was not as good as it's been. Yada. Yada. Yada.

Apparently, my perspective is whacked! I lost 2.5 pounds this week. WHAT?!?!? Seriously. I feel like I have been at war within myself, and I guess I won. Maybe I wasn't even at war. Maybe my head was playing emotional games with me. Maybe it was a test. All I know is that this week was hard. It has been the hardest of all the 10 weeks so far. I wanted to quit. I wanted to eat french fries. I didn't want to count calories.

I didn't quit.

I didn't eat french fries.

I counted my calories.

I thought that this post was going to be a whiner session. I thought that I was going to be "oh poor Kelly...this is sooo hard. You might as well quit" Hmmm..interesting that as soon as I started typing my mind said, "Hey now! Wait just one minute! You did some pretty good things this week!"

I didn't realize until just now that I had done anything good this week. I have been so focused on the struggle that I forgot to celebrate some of the small victories. Interesting.

I actually talked a lot about this with Jim today too. But I was pretty negative then. I told him some of the stuff that I say to myself. Really. Nasty. Stuff. Things that I don't even think about anyone else that has their own journey let alone say it out loud. He said to me, "You know, sometimes you really tick me off when you are so hard on yourself." You know what I said to him? I said it makes me mad too.

I don't know where this internal Kelly came from. Did it happen in the womb? Did it happen growing up with an alcoholic dad? Did it happen because I have always been the chubby girl? I don't know. I do know this. I am almost 43 years old, and that's a really long time to be set in my ways. It's really hard to change internal Kelly....but it HAS to be done. I need to start believing that I am strong. That I am successful. That I am capable. And what needs to change is the reaction to a bad day. Just because I want the french fries doesn't make me a failure at weight loss. Just because I am sick of counting calories today doesn't mean that tomorrow it won't be fun again.

I truly have to change my behavior and attitudes towards myself if I ever want to be healthy, well adjusted, thin, Kelly. It just won't happen without my head on board with the future that I want for myself.

I am strong.

I am capable.

I am successful.

Now to just believe....