Spinning out of....

Have you ever been on one of these? If you have, then you have noticed that if you hang on to the outside edge you feel as if you are spinning so fast that you are actually flying. However, if you stand in the middle, you can actually stand up straight and balance. It feels as if you are barely moving.

I feel as if I am in the center of my own private merry go round. Everything and everyone are spinning crazily in the direction of their dreams and goals while I am in the middle, standing still, watching it all happen without me.

I know that I am responsible for my own dreams and goals. I just don't feel passionate about anything right now. I am spending all of my energy on standing still that I can't even imagine taking that small step outward to begin to spin. I need a change, but am paralyzed in the center. I am afraid to take a step. What if it's the wrong choice? What if I am not good at it? What if I can't go back? What if...what if...what if.

I can't remember ever feeling like this before. I don't like it one little bit, but I seem to not be able to change it at the moment. I want there to be directions to this crazy life. I want someone to say to me, "This is what you are good at, and this is what you were born to do, and if you listen to me you cannot fail." That's pretty crazy, huh?

Oh how I wish that could happen....

I need direction...career-wise, spiritual-wise, and just in general. There has to be something about this crazy game of Life that I am not getting. I must not have been handed all of the rules or something. However, no one has I am sure. Up until this point in my life I have done great. I have set a goal, gone for it, and achieved it. Now, I just don't have a goal. And without that critical step, I can't move out of the center.

I have no wise answers here, and I absolutely know that they must come from within, but I needed to verbalize my questions and feelings to maybe be able to point myself in the right direction.