Where do you find inspiration?

Inspiration is an interesting concept. I have read a couple of blogs lately that address the subject, and it has made me think a little bit about it myself. One of the theories that I read about states that inspiration does not come from others...it comes from within. That is actually what has made me think about it so much.

I watch Biggest Loser and Losing it with Jillian. I watch them almost religiously. I am amazed by the transformations. I think that a day with Bob and Jillian would be amazing. However, do any of those people inspire me to do better myself. No, not really. If they did, I would be my smaller self.

All of this thinking has led me to believe that I don't inspire myself. I don't believe in myself. I don't really have any idea why that is though. In 1998 when I went on a 2 year journey to lose 150 pounds and then culminate with running a marathon, did I inspire myself? I don't know...I must have. I remember that I completely believed that I could do it. There was not one little bit of doubt in my mind. Why is there so much doubt now?

It was a very solitary journey back then. I went to the gym by myself. I ran by myself. I didn't even run with any music....just me and my thoughts. I was strong and knew it! Mentally, emotionally, and physically very strong. So what happened? For the past year or so I haven't worked out at all by myself. I went to spin class with 17 other people and if I did happen to do any weight lifting I did it with my mom.

I miss being comfortable enough to do this on my own. Since I have been sick I have started to get comfortable by myself again. I don't really have much desire to go back to the gym. I have a desire to ride my bike by myself. I have a desire to use the weights that I have here. I think I may be ready for that solitary journey. Weight loss is very personalized and individual. Some people absolutely need a buddy to keep them accountable. Some people don't.

I am not sure which person I am yet...but I do know that I will never be successful unless I start inspiring myself and really believing that I am worth all the hard work.