Can't sleep

Here I sit at 11:30pm. Way past my bedtime, but I can't sleep. I don't know if it's all the medication or something else, but normally I am well into sleepland by this time of night.

I saw the pulmonologist today. I left my appointment feeling VERY frustrated. I didn't feel as if he listened to me at all. His biggest concern is that our pets sleep in our bedroom. Uhhh...they have been sleeping with us since we got them AND all pets prior to these have done so as well. 20 years...that is how long animals have slept in the same room as me. Yep...20. So I find it very difficult to believe that somehow in the past 3 months I have just all of a sudden developed a SEVERE reaction to them. I mentioned my continuous low grade fever. He ignored me. I mentioned that I didn't NEED any of this medication 3 months ago. He ignored me. He prescribed me 4 new medications, and ignored me.

He found it very hard to believe that I have not been "really" sick for six years prior to this stuff. He asked me several times about my past medical history. He was wanting to know all of the other things wrong with me. Uhhh..nothing. Nothing at all...until all of this sh*t! Sigh.

My gut instinct is that he looked at me, judged me based on my weight, and decided that he just KNEW what is wrong with me. That I couldn't possibly have a valid opinion because if I am fat then I must be stupid. And that...just. PISSES. ME. OFF!!! I left this appointment doubting everything about myself. Thinking that maybe I am wrong. Maybe nothing is really wrong with me. The doctor knows best...right????

This could very well be the reason that I cannot sleep tonight. I know that people judge others based on race, color, and creed. I even knew that people were judged based on how much they weigh, but it doesn't make it any easier when it happens to you. Weight discrimination. Ugh!

I have some ideas brewing to get back on my feet. I don't want to let my own head get in the way of taking back my power. I want to stand up for what I believe in, and what I know to be true. I just hope I can find the courage and the strength to find my convictions. Have you seen them? They must be drowning under all of this medication.