You put the lime and the coconut....wait...there was no lime

In this week's bountiful basketI got two coconuts. Very strange since I have been on a coconut kick for awhile now. I LOVE coconut...but have NEVER tried to cook/eat/peel whatever a "real" coconut. I just always buy the shredded stuff in a bag :) So...the above picture is after I hammered a couple of holes into in to get the water out and then baked it for 20 minutes to make it easier to open.

This is after I took all of the husk off of the meat. It was BRUTAL to my thumb...just shredded it!
This is the remnants of the husk...and if you look closely you can actually see blood :( Don't worry...there was no blood on the actual coconut that we ate.
This is Nate taste testing the frosting for the cake that I made. He liked it :)
And this is the culmination of 4 hours worth of work with peeling and shredding the coconut and the actual baking of the cake. It is a pretty good cake, but I am not sure it is 4 hours of labor good :)

The weeds!

Look at my handsome yet serious boy! He turns 8 in two weeks!!! Crazy!!

These are what the weeds looked like throughout the entire back yard...should have done before pictures of the whole yard...but was too embarrassed! :) Nate and I have worked very hard, and this was yesterday morning...so just a little more to go!
Ick! The weeds had completely taken over! Usually in the spring at the first sign of the weeds, I start going out and getting them before they get out of control. However, with being sick...it was nearly impossible for me to do that this year. I got to the point that when I let the dogs in or out I just closed my eyes to it all. It was very frustrating and depressing, but...as you will see in the next posts...it looks pretty good now!

Back yard stuff

This is the "dead" space behind my garage. It is approximately 20 feet x 23.5 feet. This will eventually be a huge garden area for vegetables. I am doing some research, but will most likely do several raised beds back here to make it more attractive. I can't see this from my back porch, but would love to have a real garden with a lot of variety not just tomatoes.

Nate being goofy! But you can see my favorite chair!
I love this plant...it has turned into some really nice ground cover in this bed...and it gets pretty blue flowers in the springtime.
This is the view from my chair...see you can't see where the garden will be. The pond looks better from this view than more of a close up.
Nate watering my tomatoes for me! All of those weeds you see are in our easement. Technically the land does not belong to us, but the Town of Prescott Valley makes the homeowner responsible for upkeep. Sigh....it is on my to-do list. They pretty much ruined the easement when they came in February to fix the water leak. There are huge ruts in the ground and exposed wires...it is really a mess!

Back yard stuff

This is my pond....there are three fish in there, and a beautiful lily that blooms several times throughout the summer. I need to find something that will grow nicely in front of them pond to hide the black, but have been unsuccessful so far in keeping something alive in that spot.That yellow chair is my favorite spot to sit and just be. I will bring my water and a book out here and just sit a spell :) I listen to the birds chirping and the waterfall in the pond...very relaxing! The plant is St. John's Wart. It has taken OVER! I love the little yellow flowers that it gets, and believe it or not...I just trimmed it back!
This is the view to the left of my pond from my favorite chair. My tomato garden is back there, and I just had my yard guy trim the junipers back A LOT! They were taking over the yard, and not making me happy anymore. I was ready to just rip them all out, but he talked me into trimming them WAY back. I like the look. They look like bonsai now :)
Nate had just finished watering the tomatoes for me, and of course had to get into the pictures :) He has been a HUGE help so far this summer with the yard work. It has been fun being outside with him.

Where do you find inspiration?

Inspiration is an interesting concept. I have read a couple of blogs lately that address the subject, and it has made me think a little bit about it myself. One of the theories that I read about states that inspiration does not come from others...it comes from within. That is actually what has made me think about it so much.

I watch Biggest Loser and Losing it with Jillian. I watch them almost religiously. I am amazed by the transformations. I think that a day with Bob and Jillian would be amazing. However, do any of those people inspire me to do better myself. No, not really. If they did, I would be my smaller self.

All of this thinking has led me to believe that I don't inspire myself. I don't believe in myself. I don't really have any idea why that is though. In 1998 when I went on a 2 year journey to lose 150 pounds and then culminate with running a marathon, did I inspire myself? I don't know...I must have. I remember that I completely believed that I could do it. There was not one little bit of doubt in my mind. Why is there so much doubt now?

It was a very solitary journey back then. I went to the gym by myself. I ran by myself. I didn't even run with any music....just me and my thoughts. I was strong and knew it! Mentally, emotionally, and physically very strong. So what happened? For the past year or so I haven't worked out at all by myself. I went to spin class with 17 other people and if I did happen to do any weight lifting I did it with my mom.

I miss being comfortable enough to do this on my own. Since I have been sick I have started to get comfortable by myself again. I don't really have much desire to go back to the gym. I have a desire to ride my bike by myself. I have a desire to use the weights that I have here. I think I may be ready for that solitary journey. Weight loss is very personalized and individual. Some people absolutely need a buddy to keep them accountable. Some people don't.

I am not sure which person I am yet...but I do know that I will never be successful unless I start inspiring myself and really believing that I am worth all the hard work.

Still a rebel!

I have been medication free for a week now. I feel so much better overall. However, now that all the side effects are gone I find that I still am having low grade fevers and my glands in my neck are still really swollen. My nurse-practitioner friend says that that could still be mono....I don't know....but I do know that it is much easier to deal with these two symptoms than all the other ones that I had.

I am supposed to see the pulmunologist on Monday. I don't want to go, but he will have the results of the blood work and the lung function test so I probably will go. I just dread telling him that I am COMPLETELY non-compliant with the medications. Sigh...you all know how much I hate confrontation and I didn't even really like him anyway so am not at all sure why I care that I am not pleasing him.

My yard is getting really pretty...I will take pictures later I think to post on here. I have some grand ideas for a garden next year, and I really hope that I can save the money to see it happen. The weeds were completely out of control, but Nate's and my hard work along with my wonderful yard guy....it is coming along nicely!

I am a rebel!

I have become a rebel! I went off ALL of the medication that was prescribed to me. The decision was days in coming, but I actually followed through with it last Thursday night. I had a lung function test late Thursday afternoon where the girl gave me a breathing treatment...so...I was lightheaded from that and decided that I needed to sleep so did not take the rest of the the breathing meds that night.

The next morning I just made a conscious decision to go without. I figured that if my breathing got bad I could pick right up again. But...I had been thinking that the doctor's just kept giving me more and more drugs to stop the side effects of the original meds...and it was just impossible to tell what was a "real" symptom vs. a side effect.

The prognosis? I FEEL AMAZING!!! I have been drug free for 4 days (mostly). I had a reaction to something Saturday night and did the inhaler, but other than that no meds :)

I have been doing yard work like crazy. I am not dizzy, lightheaded, nauseous, or anything. WOOT! Now...I haven't taken my temperature so I have no idea if I still have a fever...but I don't feel like it so probably not. My glands are still swollen, but whatever...I can deal with that.

Therefore, tomorrow I am back on the exercise band wagon! I think I am ready! I hope so anyway...I am a bit frustrated to start from ground zero, but nothing I can do about it except move forward!

Feeling bummed

I am trying so hard to trick my mind that I am feeling well. We went to Phoenix yesterday, and had a great day. I didn't start feeling bad until later in the day. Was hoping that it was the start of a new day....but today it's only 8am and I don't feel very well. I am trying to push through. Making Nate and I breakfast right now, and then going to try to do some yard work. Hope I can.

This so sucks!

The mood may be better

I may be feeling a smidge better emotionally today. Maybe. I do know that I am one step closer to regaining the power over my body. I have never liked taking medications. Ever. I think that they have their place. Antibiotics for infections. Insulin for diabetics. Etc. But...there are so many medications just handed out so easily. You stubbed your toe. Take this drug. You can't sleep. Take this drug. You sleep too much. Now take this drug. I may be exaggerating here, but not by much. If you watch the commercials on television for different medications the side effects are almost always worse than what you are taking the drug for in the first place.

So...with all of that being said....I am getting closer to packing up the medicine cabinet and seeing how I feel with NOTHING in me but good nutrition...and maybe a multivitamin.

I am not there quite yet...but soon..I think.

Can't sleep

Here I sit at 11:30pm. Way past my bedtime, but I can't sleep. I don't know if it's all the medication or something else, but normally I am well into sleepland by this time of night.

I saw the pulmonologist today. I left my appointment feeling VERY frustrated. I didn't feel as if he listened to me at all. His biggest concern is that our pets sleep in our bedroom. Uhhh...they have been sleeping with us since we got them AND all pets prior to these have done so as well. 20 years...that is how long animals have slept in the same room as me. Yep...20. So I find it very difficult to believe that somehow in the past 3 months I have just all of a sudden developed a SEVERE reaction to them. I mentioned my continuous low grade fever. He ignored me. I mentioned that I didn't NEED any of this medication 3 months ago. He ignored me. He prescribed me 4 new medications, and ignored me.

He found it very hard to believe that I have not been "really" sick for six years prior to this stuff. He asked me several times about my past medical history. He was wanting to know all of the other things wrong with me. Uhhh..nothing. Nothing at all...until all of this sh*t! Sigh.

My gut instinct is that he looked at me, judged me based on my weight, and decided that he just KNEW what is wrong with me. That I couldn't possibly have a valid opinion because if I am fat then I must be stupid. And that...just. PISSES. ME. OFF!!! I left this appointment doubting everything about myself. Thinking that maybe I am wrong. Maybe nothing is really wrong with me. The doctor knows best...right????

This could very well be the reason that I cannot sleep tonight. I know that people judge others based on race, color, and creed. I even knew that people were judged based on how much they weigh, but it doesn't make it any easier when it happens to you. Weight discrimination. Ugh!

I have some ideas brewing to get back on my feet. I don't want to let my own head get in the way of taking back my power. I want to stand up for what I believe in, and what I know to be true. I just hope I can find the courage and the strength to find my convictions. Have you seen them? They must be drowning under all of this medication.