8 weeks...blech!

On Wednesday I went and had some acupuncture done. I went to a woman that I used to go to quite a bit several years ago, and I took Nate to her a bunch of times for his food allergies. I love her! She is a mind/body/spirit kind of healer which I think tends to work well with me.

I gave her the scoop of all the stuff that has been going on for the last couple of months, and she did her thing. Her opinion is that my spleen and kidneys have just been stressed to the max hence the lack of energy, lung problems, etc. She thinks if she boosts them up then I will automatically feel better in these areas. She also has the opinion that my blood pressure issues are temporary. I sure hope so!! That is the most stressful part of all of this. I don't want to be on any one medication let alone a medication for the foreseeable future. Sigh...I also know that that should make me want to jump out of this chair and go exercise, but right now it doesn't. I had those 2 good days at the beginning of the week and the rest of this week I have felt pretty crappy :(

It is eight weeks today of this. My glands in my neck are so swollen that it makes everything hurt. I am also very tired today...I am planning on napping after this little update :)

I will go back to see the acupuncturist next week. I also am going to see a counselor for the depression issues. I just want to feel better....both inside and out.

Light at the end of the tunnel :)

Monday and Tuesday were days where I almost felt "normal". It was great!!! After I took Nate to school on Monday I decided to go for a walk and see how I did with breathing and energy level, etc. I walked 1.5 miles so no where near what I have been capable of in the past, but felt a pretty good sense of accomplishment for getting it done and my breathing was good..woohoo!

After the walk, I came home and did some crunches. I had oodles of energy and really felt like I needed to be "doing" something. It was the first time I have felt like that in 7 1/2 weeks so it was really hard not to succumb. I wanted to just go with it, and keep on chugging by cleaning my house or something. However, my good sense took over and I kept it to a minimum. Look at me go! I was showing restraint..hee hee.

Then yesterday I went out to the apartment and cleaned the carpet. Financially speaking I need to do as much of the maintenance work myself right now. I would normally hire the carpet cleaning done, but since I have not had much income from the them I just can't. My plan was to just clean the upstairs and then do the stairs and the downstairs today, but once I got on a roll it was hard to stop. The apartment is move in ready! It looks great, and now I just need the perfect tenant to rent it..LOL.

Then by last night I was pooped. I probably overdid it a little over the course of the last two days, but it was so exciting to have some energy that I am pretty proud of myself for showing the restraint that I did. I am still pretty wiped out today, but I don't have much on the agenda to worsen things so I am good.

I am actually going to see an acupuncturist today. I have seen her in the past for some things and Nate went to her for his food allergies. I like her a lot, and I am hoping the she can help with the breathing issues and maybe even the high blood pressure. I will keep you posted :)

I just know that I finally have some hope that I am going to get better. I knew logically it would happen but when you are sick for so long it is just hard to see the light at the end of the tunnel. I see the light, and it's good :)

Random acts of kindness

I have such a hard time accepting help from people. I wish I could figure out why that is, but I am just not sure. I feel as if it may stem from not feeling worthy...but again I am just not sure. The thing is is that if I tell Jim that I need help with something...that doesn't bug me. If I ask him to take the trash out, or cover my plants because it is going to freeze..that is all okay. It is when I am doing nothing (as per usual lately) hanging out on the couch reading a book and I catch him out of the the corner of my eye starting to unload or load the dishwasher that I have the issues. Automatically I feel like I have done something wrong by laying on the couch. I feel judged. I feel lazy. So why is it if I ask for the help that I can accept it....but if it is just offered or even just done without my asking..that it is soooo hard to accept. I really don't know.

Nate now has to perform random acts of kindness for Kung Fu. It was defined for him as helping somebody out to make their life easier or better without expecting anything in return. Maybe that is what I can't deal with. Why would someone want to make my life easier? Why would they do something nice for me without me having to do something for them? Wow! This sounds like a therapy session in the making...ugh! What is wrong with me????

This all stems from my mom offering to meet me out at my apartments to help me clean one of them. I instantly felt guilty that I have not done it before now. It was ridiculously hard to tell her that I would love for her to help. Really? Why is that? I don't think that she thinks I am a slacker, lazy mom. In fact, I am pretty sure that at times she is proud and impressed with all that I manage to juggle when I am healthy. Why then was it so hard? I don't know. We cleaned it though..together..this morning. It didn't take very long. It wasn't that dirty, and I know that she was happy to help.

I love performing random acts of kindness. It makes me feel good to help someone. I guess I need to work on it being okay for someone to perform them on me.

Trying to get out of the dark place

I went undercover this week after a depressing visit to the doctor. Sigh. My mood has improved somewhat since my appointment, but I went to a pretty dark place for a couple of days.

My lungs are not much better from the bronchitis, and now she thinks that spring allergies have attacked. I don't know. Normally my allergies are sneezing, itchy eyes, drippy nose and I don't have that much so far this year. *knock on wood* I have never in the past had breathing issues for allergies, but she said that because my system has been so compromised that the little buggers just went for the least path of resistance. Maybe. I am giving it a try. She put me on Singulair for allergies...in particular allergies that give you breathing issues. And...another 2 weeks of an inhaler. I have to say that five days later I am feeling a bit better, but that could just be the inhaler. Only time will tell.

The mono is still in full swing. Ugh! She says that because my body is trying to fight the lung issues and the mono, it is failing at both. Gee..thanks. That is a great thing for a type A personality to hear..that I am failing at something. Okay..just kidding..mostly. Anyway, she thinks that once the lung issues are under control the mono will ease up as well. I hope so...I am so sick of being sick.

The third and most heart breaking of all the news I got at the appointment is my blood pressure. It was scary high...like so high I don't want to write it down. On the positive side, she thinks that it is only high in response to how sick I am. On the negative side, I have a family history of high blood pressure so she is temporarily treating it with medication. So I am a regular pharmacy these days. I am also recording my blood pressure for two weeks and when I go back to the doctor for a follow up she will make some decisions.

I am not sure why this particular news has hit me so hard. I know that being overweight can contribute to high blood pressure, and maybe that is it. I know that I am fat. You all know that I am fat...but having a medical condition that could be directly related to being fat...that just depresses me. Really.

Now...my blood pressure in the past seven weeks of sickness has been all over the place...I have had three visits with it high and three visits with it normal or even on the low side. That should logically tell me that my doctor is right, and that this is just temporary. Logic isn't really come into play here.

My dad was diagnosed with high blood pressure in the 80's sometime. I remember him telling me, and also telling me that he wasn't going to take medication for it..he was just going to cut salt out of his diet. Apparently that worked for him for about 15 years....then he had a stroke. My grandmother on my mom's side started taking bp medication in her 40's. I am 42. I am scared. I am depressed that I have let my body down again. I don't know how to dig deep, and find a way to crawl up over this. What I should do and what I am doing are two very different things right now.

I should be getting a plan of attack together to overcome this diagnoses. I should be doing yoga everyday since I can't be doing any cardio yet. I should be throwing away all junk food in the house and replacing it with "good" stuff. What am I doing? Wallowing in self-pity at the moment. Eating things that I shouldn't be eating....not doing yoga...not even going out in the sunshine when it is available. Sounds awful, huh? It feels that way too.

I have to find some reserve of strength in me that I haven't tapped yet. It has to be there! And when I do find it...things will get better. I will get healthier. And I won't need blood pressure medication.

Spring has Sprung!

Spring a definitely sprung here in Prescott Valley! It is warm, sunny and beautiful!!! I felt like winter would never end, so it is especially nice to have it be so nice :) Now...if I could just be enjoying the outdoors like I normally would be...sigh.

Last year at this time I was riding my bike A LOT! It is such awesome exercise and the endorphin high that I get is similar to running so that makes it even better. I want to be out there so badly! By the time I am healthy it is going to be close to too hot, but I am pretty sure that this year I am not going to care!!! I just want to be out riding :)

I did do some yard stuff today though. I made Jim and Nate do the heavy work, but I planted strawberries in a half barrel in the the front yard and some herbs and flowers in containers on the back porch. I also got the raised bed ready for tomatoes. More specifically, Nate and Jim got it ready for me. Very nice of them! And Nate picked up after the dogs too! I spent some time in the sun and then read in the shade for awhile...it was just nice to be out in the fresh air.

Of course, I have completely overdid things today. My temp is high, and I am completely fatigued but it was worth it to be out in the sun for awhile :)

Rook

Today is the birthday of an old friend. I wished her a happy one on facebook last night and her reply has made me nostalgic and a bit sad today. You see, she was once married to my good friend Warren. Warren was killed in a plane crash about 3 1/2 years ago. This friend was Warren's first wife. They were married when I met Warren. We lived in the same apartment complex and we spent many weekend nights pulling "all-nighters". Not in any sense that you would think...yes, we were in college at the time so you would naturally think that we were either drinking or studying all night. Nope...we played games.

We played a number of different games, but our go-to game was Rook. Just typing the word fills me with TONS of memories. The four of us had very specific roles when we played, and we had a blast. Warren was the ultra-competitive but slightly nerdy one, I was also very competitive and gave Warren a run for his money, Jim was the comic relief, and Jenny was just there for the company. She didn't care if she won or lost...it was fun either way to her. Warren would have pen and paper at his finger tips throughout the entire game compiling statistics of our wins and losses. At the end of the evening he would graph our evening out on paper and viola we would have evidence of another night well spent in Tucson, AZ. Just thinking about it puts a smile on my face.

These games were a mandatory way to spend our weekends in college. When Warren and Jenny moved to Prescott and ultimately split up our games became fewer and farther between. However, those nights will forever be embedded in my mind. That is where we got to know each other as well as we did and bonded us forever.

Six weeks!

Today marks six weeks of being sick. I feel like a drama queen, but it is beginning to feel like this isn't going to end. I have seen no improvement at all in at least four weeks, and I really don't like it! Waa waaa waaaaa!

I would like to say that okay I got it out of my system so now I can be more positive! but I can't. I am not feeling positive today. I am depressed and pissed off that I am still sick!

On a different topic, Jim's car has been at the body shop since Monday. He hit a deer on his way home from work one really early morning. They said they would have the car for four days, and today is the 5th..sigh...hopefully it is done this afternoon. I don't like being a one car family...although it did show me that we could do it if we absolutely had to for financial reasons. That was a positive thing to come out of this :)

I wish that I had kept track of the books I have been reading since I got sick. I believe that it is in the neighborhood of 15 or so. Crazy...but is nice to read without guilt..LOL.